In our day to day lives we often come across people who hurt our feelings by their words or actions. They might say demeaning words, expressions, language, undervaluing our worth, emotionally pulling us down. We might wonder, 'What did I do wrong?' 'Did I deserve it?' 'Why me?' We might ask ourselves, 'How do I handle it and stay strong and positive?' The answer is very simple, 'No, I do not deserve any disrespect from anyone.' With a strong sense of confidence in ourselves and our abilities we stay positive and move forward.
Here are some of the reasons why people might behave in hurtful ways:
1. People with abusive personalities, and lack of fear of effective consequences, are more likely to hurt someone. Also, not following boundaries created by self or others are some factors leading to hurtful behavior.
2. Hurting someone could be a revenge towards the person concerned, or someone else who might be completely unawares.
3. Hurt could be an act of self defense and self protection. It could be caused by a trigger percieved as a threat to the offender.
4. People's benchmark of the feeling of hurt is different. This means that things which might seem normal to someone, could be hurting to others.
5. The hurt could be unintentional. Voices and opinions not meant to hurt anyone, but come out as hurt for someone. However, being 'unintentional' can be used by the offender when caught, as an excuse to get away.
6. A clear message not respected and heard, could come out in a more aggressive way, hurting someone.
7. Hurt could also be due to the offender not knowing how to communicate politely.
8. Cultural differences in communication, personal communication styles of individuals could be factors leading to hurtful behaviors.
9. People who are hurt themselves, often do not realize when they might be hurting someone.
10. Putting someone down in order to feel good about yourself, can lead to a hurtful behavior towards the other person. This usually happens when the offender is already feeling less and insecure in front of the other.
Here are some of the ways to deal with the hurtful situation:
1. Convey a clear message that this is not acceptable, in a firm but polite tone.
2. Draw firm boundaries and give ultimatum so that this is not repeated.
3. Set consequences if needed. Find a set of punishments to apply and convey them properly and stick to them. Make sure they are executed as conveyed.
4. Be kind to the offender in case he/she is suffering from a disorder.
5. Try to keep a safe distance from him/her just to protect yourself emotionally.
6. One can completely break ties or check on the person periodically if needed, espacially if that person is close to you.
8. Forgive if there is a sincere apology, making sure this is not a pattern.
9. Do not judge the offender as you might not know what they are going through.
10. Save yourself from the hurt as this was never about you. It is their problem and not yours.
Finally, it is best to trust your own instincts in figuring out if the hurtful behavior is intentional or not. Also, the tone and the body language of the offender tells us a lot about the motivations behind their behaviour.
Therefore, one can handle such situations with careful thought and planning while staying strong.
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